As Many as 1 in 4

As many as 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. That means the odds are either you or someone you know has experienced the loss of a baby through miscarriage.

As a woman who has lost 2 babies, I can attest to the healing power of other’s loving words and supportive actions. Although I have experienced loss firsthand, I still struggle to find the words to say to someone else who has lost a baby. Each loss is so unique, just like each woman who is grieving is unique. But as with any heart that is hurting, comfort does not come from a perfect sentence or flawless sentiment. A grieving momma just needs to know that you are available and that she is loved.

Don’t allow the uncertainty of knowing what to say keep you silent.

Five Things You Can Do

Here are 5 things you can do to support and love someone who has just experienced miscarriage.

1. Send a Card

   It may seem like a small gesture, but acknowledging her loss and telling her that she’s on your heart will mean a lot. If you happen to know the baby’s should-have-been due date, consider sending a card for that as well. Ask her if there are any important dates to her that you can acknowledge. This will mean so much to her.

2. “I’m so Sorry for Your Loss”

   It’s hard to know what to say, but a simple, “I’m so sorry for your loss” can be powerful. Sometimes it’s the only thing that needs to be said. The same goes for “I’m praying for you” or “I’m here if you need anything.”

3. Listen and be Present

   It is easy to feel isolated after losing a baby, especially in the weeks and months following the loss. Simply inviting her out to coffee and asking how she is doing helps her not feel alone or forgotten in her grieving process.

4. Bring a Meal

   It’s the going thing to do for someone who has just brought their baby home, but what about someone who doesn’t get to bring her baby home? It can take all the emotional and mental strength she can muster just to make it through the day. Not having to worry about dinner plans allows her to focus energy on other sensitive things she needs to tend to. And instead of “Can I bring you dinner?”, consider saying something like, “I am bringing you dinner this week. I’ll drop it off at your door. What time works for you?”

5. Remember that the Daddy Lost His Baby Too

   So many times, the man gets overlooked because the miscarriage physically happened to the woman. But he is also grieving. Extending the same kind words and support to him validates his feelings and grief as well.

You Don’t Have to Completely Understand

You don’t have to completely understand what a mommy or daddy is going through after a miscarriage. What does matter is your willingness to love and support them through a very difficult time. It is your intentionality and kindness that their hearts absorb. And that is a very precious gift to them.

As always, I am here to talk. You are loved.